Last month, I attended an alumni Christmas party in my college. An hour drive to the campus took two hours as there was an accident on the freeway that afternoon. When I arrived on campus, I paid $13 for parking in an empty lot. Provided food consisted of only chips, cookies, and soda 😅. It was difficult to converse with fellow alumni as we all wore masks indoors. While I did not have the engaging conversations that led to friendships like past events, one thing was clear: I had outgrown attending such events. The adventure of doing so was no longer there.

We all experience it. With friends and family members whom we grew up with. With coworkers whom we worked through projects and deadlines with for years. With communities that we were a part of.

Before embarking on this journey of intense personal development in 2017, one of my family friends, who became one of my mentors, asked for help in setting up the Wi-Fi in her house. While setting up the Wi-Fi, she gave me many gems of wisdom. One gem she told me was to network with people who are better than me in their crafts. Doing so will force me to raise my own standards and play at a higher level. At that time, her words didn’t resonate with me because I didn’t feel worthy to network with people who were better in their crafts than me, since doing so made me feel inadequate.

While I had certainly grown living on my own as a young adult, not having more mentors who were a few steps ahead of me stunted my growth as I chased words of approval instead of constructive feedback. I’d be hard on myself with rejection after rejection in my dating life and sticking with jobs that did not challenge me, as I hoped things will eventually change for the better if I did the same thing over and over. An observation that stuck the most in my career was co-workers who stayed in the same company for decades and got into their position by simply sticking around.

Of course, when we experience stagnation and a series of failures, those are signs to take a step back, take a deep breath, and reflect on what can we do better before moving forward to take action.

When I was unemployed for 18 months from late 2016 to mid-2018, that free time gave me an opportunity to deeply reflect on the direction of my life and question everything I had been taught in life. During that time, I learned that you do not truly know people’s true colors until you hit rock bottom, because you will then know who will support you in your darkest moments. I learned that our culture and society promote blaming others for our circumstances over personal responsibility. I learned the importance of praying consistently to lift my burdens up to a God who can handle them better than me, teaching me how to be a rock for those who matter most when things start falling astray. And I also learned that action, not words, are what drive real change in life.

With nothing to lose, I went on my own adventure. I applied to more than 50 tech companies and was rejected by all of them. I traveled around the world in a month-long adventure to visit friends and family. I attended networking events even if it meant telling people that I was unemployed, taking Lyft rides to get there because I had no car! And lastly, I humbly learned from people who held contrary beliefs to my own and had the results in life I desired.

Fast forward from that summer of 2018 to today. I recently left my job for a new opportunity with teammates more dedicated to their crafts, showing me that there are no dumb questions to ask. I got into a relationship that supports and holds me accountable to my words. I own a place and a car, both of which I can say I did not settle for. If you told me that I would have accomplished those things when I hit rock bottom, I would have not believed you.

And now, attending such get togethers to stand around and meet new people like an alumni Christmas party no longer interest me. If I were to meet new people, it would be over an activity like hiking or volunteering for a good cause.

And that’s fine! We want to acknowledge the people, habits, and mindsets that helped us in the past, not forgetting where we came from. At the same time, it is crucial that we also take calculated risks and not be so afraid of failure in adapting new habits and mindsets to better ourselves. Even if it comes at a cost of some relationships, the one constant that will carry us through is our faith in God. My faith hasn’t failed me and your faith won’t fail you.

If we do not grow to better versions of ourselves, we stagnate. When we stagnate, we will fail to attract the right partner, leading to a life of regret. And who wants to have a life filled with regrets when it’s all said and done in this world?

God does not want that for us and it’s up to us to answer that call to adventure. Your biggest growth is ahead of you!

(The cover photo comes from our first date in September 2020. We hiked the Indiana Sand Dunes and came across a playground in a rural neighborhood. It’s okay to grow up and appreciate what we used to enjoy, while working towards a brighter future 😎)