(The cover photo is me looking gangsta back in 2006 in front of the same Rockies I visited in this story fifteen years later in 2021.)
It was a Tuesday Spring afternoon in the Rockies. The crisp, cloudy skies paved the way for a beautiful sunset behind the Front Range mountains as the plane touched down on the runway. My aunt waited in front of the airport arrivals to pick me up. After hugging, we hopped in her car and drove off. As she drove us from the airport to the house, it dawned on me how much more precious our time gets as we get older. Moments we spend with our elders, like my aunt picking me up from the airport, don’t last forever, so we must cherish the time we spend with each other.
During high school and throughout my college and young adult life, I’ve wanted to grow up so fast so that I can have a nice paying job and a pretty girlfriend. Feeling weak from not having a father, I put on a façade of strength to show that I can support myself as a man. Of course, reaching those goals wasn’t as easy as I thought, especially when I was not entirely clear on what kind of career and partner I wanted to have. Simply leaving it up to God without a level 10/10 commitment in doing the work is a recipe for disaster. Not having a father or strong father figures who could have pointed out my blind spots and encouraged me to keep going instead of giving up for months at a time would have saved time and additional heartbreaks.
Despite these “disadvantages”, my aunt was always there over the years to listen to my venting and give me a “quarter of her advice” – since quarters are worth more than “nickels” of advice 😉. From the heartbreaks of not getting the job offers I wanted to the rejections from women, I had someone who not only listened to me playing the victim, but also comforted me to carry on.
Until the time I Actually Turned Pro, I didn’t fully realize how precious our time in this world is. As a 29-year-old, I thought that I have at least a good 60 years left in this world to figure things out. However, life does not work that way. Over the past two years, six people in my family had passed away. There is no guarantee we will live until 90 years old. If we do, great! If we don’t, we would have simply wasted our time waiting for the world around us to change. My aunt won’t be around forever to listen to my updates in life. This realization pushed me to keep applying to jobs and meet women in events. Taking more consistent action actually sped up the process of moving on and finding acceptance that it’s all a numbers game in finding what I truly want.
Over the years as I worked, I often gave my mother and aunt gifts to show them my appreciation for the love and support they have shown me growing up. Upon Turning Pro, this appreciation later evolved to taking them on trips they can fondly look back with a smile on their faces. Going on vacations for themselves wasn’t something my mother and aunt were used to. Their definitions of a vacation were to visit family, which although served others, did not serve themselves to actually relax and enjoy their hard work. After all, how could we serve others if we cannot serve ourselves?
Catching the breeze with my mom and aunt at the Eiffel Tower (left). About to enjoy gelato in the streets of Rome (right). Circa 2019.
However, with the lockdowns restricting our travels and my aunt being hesitant to travel, I decided to visit my aunt.
We caught up on what had been going on lately and discussed what my future plans are. We laughed and reminisced about the past as we ate meals together. As I saw how much she enjoyed talking in our conversations, I realized that the best gift we can give the elderly is quality time. Asking them timely questions and not interrupting helps make them feel alive reliving that memory. Doing so makes the elders think, “Wow! A millennial is interested and is willing to listen!” It is as though our roles have reversed since years past!
It’s not so much about money or gifts, but rather our quality time spent with them that shows our elders how far we have come and whether they did a good job raising us. Our quality time, being present in the moment, is the greatest gifts we can give to not only our elders, but also to those whom we love.
My aunt and I spending quality time back in 1990 (left) and thirty-one years later in 2021 (right).
There are countless times I’ve seen friends and family feel regret for not spending more time with their elders and loved ones when they had the chances to do so. Whether it is a phone call or visiting them, we can always make time in our busy lives for quality time.
When we master this, we attract not only the right people in our lives, but also the right partner 😊.
Use your time wisely. Strike while the iron is hot. And of course, pray, hope, and don’t worry!