Last week, many of us in the family heard the news of my Lolo (grandfather) passing away.
He was actually my great-uncle. My grandfather on my mother’s side passed away before I was born. My grandfather on my father’s side was not in California, so I didn’t have the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship with him. However, Lolo Ming was the grandfather I did not have growing up. A real alpha male whom people respected.
(Lolo Ming is pictured in the aquamarine shirt and while I’m the baby in the cover photo 👶)
Many of my birthday celebrations as a child were at his house. There was always a family gathering at Lolo Ming’s place every month.
Picture on the left: Lolo Ming standing behind my father, who’s holding me at my Christening.
Picture on the right: Celebrating my birthday at Lolo Ming’s house with my childhood homeboys and homegirls.
On weekends where there wasn’t a family gathering, my father, mother, and I spent many of our Saturday evenings with Lolo Ming and the family. When the ice cream truck drove to his neighborhood, Lolo Ming gave me a couple of dollars to get the ice cream I wanted. I chose either the Push-Up ice cream pop or the Bugs Bunny ice cream bar with the bubble gum eyes. Lola (grandmother) cooked barbeque on the charcoal grill, while my dad and Lolo Ming drank beer as they unwound from the long week.
One Saturday evening, we prayed the rosary.
When it came to Lolo Ming’s turn to lead the rosary mystery (I don’t know why he led a rosary mystery in the first place after drinking 😂), he closed his eyes and passionately sang,
“Hail Maryyyyy, fuuulll of graccceee,
the Lord is with yooouuuuuuu,
blessed are you among women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jeeesssuuuuuusssssss!” 🤣🤣🤣
My younger self laughed, especially after seeing my father also laughing after he, too, drank a few beers. 🍻
After my father passed away nineteen years ago, Lolo Ming was always there to have a conversation and share words of advice. He encouraged me to get the “top of the line”, especially when it came to buying things like cars and clothes.
When my family and I visited the Philippines in 2003, a year after my father passed away, Lolo Ming made the effort to sit down with me during our meals together and talk about life. It was great of him making such efforts to spend time with me and the family, while also being unafraid to share his accomplishments to people in the Philippines, which I later realized in my adult life is important when finding our own success.
Lolo Ming reminded my Lolo on my father’s side that he was more of a grandfather for me than he was. I appreciated that he fought for and supported me, which served as an inspiration when the time came to fight for what matters most this day, especially in my current relationship.
Yes, it is important to have humility. At the same time how will people know what you have accomplished or what you want if you don’t confidently tell them?
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and family gatherings weren’t complete until he said in Hiligaynon, “Ang yudiputa!” (which translates to “That son of a bitch!”). The child in me laughed everytime he said that as it was a sign I was home.
Lolo Ming and Lola kept a picture of me as a child in their living room even as they added more pictures of their grandchildren over the years, reminding me that I was still the orig (short for ‘original’) grandson and remained special in their hearts. I smiled each time I saw my picture in their living room, knowing that their grandchildren are blessed to have awesome grandparents because Lolo Ming and Lola showed me that same kind of love when I was younger.
The last real one-on-one conversation we shared together was in August 2018, a few months after Actually Turning Pro. We talked about how my new job was going so far, and how our trip to the Philippines a month before went. We laughed talking about a blind haranista (singer) from Iloilo named Pirot who sings about love, dancing, and who should he yell at. Pirot’s music was often played amongst the locals when they go drinking. “Music for the hubog (drunk)”, as they say. Lolo Ming shared with me more about Pirot after telling him that I listened to Pirot’s music in my dad’s car as a child.
Later in our conversation when I told him that it did not hurt visiting my father’s gravesite in the Philippines after all these years, Lolo Ming raised his voice and said, “Of course! You’re a man!”
It was a badge of honor from the grandfather I didn’t have growing up acknowledge that I accepted losing my father at a young age, and that I started figuring things out in living life “My Way” with God’s grace.
Over the past two years, six people in my family have passed away. Their passing reminded me to continue living life in the present the best way we can. It’s not how much time we spend with people that matters, but rather the quality of time spent with them. If we can honestly say that we made the most of the time we spent with people, we can move forward in life with few or no regrets. Their spirits live on in us when we adopt qualities and lessons they showed and taught us.
The only regret I have is not seeing Lolo Ming and the family last year due to the pandemic. I’m sure Lolo Ming would have been excited had I shared with him big news in my life. He probably would have told me, “God damn, Noy! Go for it!”
Thank you, Lolo Ming, for being the grandfather I did not have growing up. Thank you for encouraging us to get the “top of the line” and to be politically incorrect, unafraid to swear and of what others would think, showing what being orig is. Thank you for your generosity and for showing what it means to fight for what matters most to you. We love you very much and will miss you.
Tell my Lolos who my real Lolo is like I know you would. Looking forward to seeing you all again and hearing you say again, “Ang yudiputa!”