“How’s it going with your side project, Noy Sauce?”, a friend asked a month ago.

That was the first time someone followed up on a personal goal I shared with in a long time.

A few months after moving back home five years ago, a priest had joined our parish. Father spoke with passion and conviction that made us want to learn as much as we can from his homilies and teachings. He was the first priest I’ve seen in a long time who was not afraid to speak the truth and hold us to a higher standard, even if some people were offended. Yet, many parishioners attended his bible study classes and invited him to their parties.

Father performed his duties as a priest with great reverence that more parishioners went to confession with him than the other priests in our parish. Even though I’m scared to go to confession with Father, I felt great relief and humility afterwards for doing so than I did with other priests.

Father told us parishioners that we should also pray the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary after praying the rosary, an overlooked prayer in our faith these days, in reverence for the Virgin Mary. Doing so shows us there are no shortcuts in our journey of faith and how important it is to pray with reverence (which is difficult when we have many things to think about from everyday life and when reciting prayers becomes so automatic we don’t think about the meaning of the prayers).

Even though I was not working at that time, I looked forward to attending daily mass hoping that Father officiated the mass. My mornings felt productive that his message that day set the tone for a great rest of the day.

Father was only in our parish for about a year and a half, and many of us were sad to see him leave because of the impact he had and the way his departure was handled. My mother and I treated him for lunch one afternoon, and we both saw a cheerful side who likes to crack jokes and laugh a lot. It was a stark contrast to his more solemn side during prayer and mass. We were impressed with how he handled his departure with humility. He showed us that even though we may not get the recognition we deserve, the only one whom we should impress is our God.

(My mother and I with Father after our afternoon lunch)

The secret sauce that Father taught me to thrive and have a better life in this world, especially in our communities and society, is to hold each other accountable. We enable bad behavior and bad habits if we simply let second-class behavior slide without saying anything, which is our sin of omission.

If leaders of a group show up late for meetings and are disinterested, then the rest of the group will follow suit by showing up late and being disinterested.

If parents do not set clear boundaries with their children nor learn when to say “No”, then those children will grow up being spoiled and entitled. Growing up as a child was frustrating at times, as my parents were more strict with me than other parents were with their children.

However, the accountability my mother, father, and aunt held towards me became foundations that helped me avoid vices, such as drugs, drinking, smoking, and gambling, and appreciate the hard work of earning the lifestyle I desired in my young adult life, rather than being handed the lifestyle on a silver platter.

A big part of my stagnation in my career and relationships during my mid-to-late 20s was not being surrounded by like-minded people who held me accountable to the goals I wanted to accomplish. I’d share my goals with others who weren’t as like-minded only to get a somewhat disinterested response, draining my energy and motivation to persevere. Frustrated at the rut I was in, a year after not working, I paid for a men’s coach to help me reach those goals. At that time, my goals were to work for a company that pays well and motivates me to strive, drive a nice car, own a place I did not settle for, leave the world a better place, and be in a relationship with a sincere, generous, compassionate, and beautiful woman.

It’s an expensive investment to spend thousands of dollars for a coach, especially when I was not working. In hindsight, the money spent was not so much about the “tips and tricks” my coach shared with me that led to my own personal transformation, but rather the accountability the program held towards me. If I’m going to spend thousands of dollars on a 6-month program (that later turned into a 4-year and counting program), I’d better make the most of it by facing my fears through taking action and not waiting “for the right time“.

The investment paid off financially, personally, professionally, and spiritually, as I’ve exceeded my own expectations for those initial goals. I met people along the journey who hold me accountable to the goals I want to accomplish and to a higher standard, encouraging me to keep setting more ambitious goals and to live life even more fully.

The readings from this past Sunday share the story of Jesus telling His disciples:

“Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye,

but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own?

…Remove the wooden beam from your eye first;

then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”

The readings teach us to be aware of our own shortcomings before easily judging and trying to fix other people’s shortcomings. And the secret sauce of accountability for one another gives us that awareness to focus our energies on becoming better versions of ourselves instead of bringing each other down or trying to fix each other’s problems.

Without accountability, we won’t reach the heights we desire in this world and in the next. Life won’t be lived as fully, settling for mediocrity and the status quo. The journey of attracting the right partner will be even more difficult. And life won’t be as rewarding and satisfying as it should be.

We thank You, God, for the people who have held us accountable over the years, making sure we don’t fall astray in this world. Through them, we are shown that the real miracles in this world are not made using quick fixes, but treating each day with grace and reverence. We are sorry for the countless times we quickly judged others without being aware of our own shortcomings. We humbly pray for Your Grace to help us not only be courageous in holding each other accountable, but also be humble in accepting the accountability others hold for us. Little by little, everyday, our lives and the world around us are made better. In this we pray, Amen.

(The cover photo with my parents was taken from my First Communion. Thank you, Mom, Dad, Mama, and Father for holding me accountable to a higher standard and for believing in me more than I did of myself.)