Would you believe Noy Sauce if he told you what the secret sauces are to better relationships?

One of my biggest struggles, even until this day, is accepting other people’s shortcomings. This struggle was a result of growing up as an only child and not having close relationships with my relatives that many people have.

Wanting to fit in groups and with friends whose values didn’t necessarily align with my own enabled me to exhibit approval-seeking behavior. Whether it was organizing get togethers and driving more than an hour for those meet ups, I went out of my way to spend time with people.

This approval-seeking behavior led to disappointment when many didn’t put in the same level of efforts to maintain or fight for the friendship. Couldn’t they simply show up on time? Simply be honest that they cannot come instead of not replying or giving some bullshit answer? Or invite me to their get togethers?

I mean, I put in all this time and effort to meet up. Couldn’t they do the same? This desire to fit in led to so much frustration and disappointment that made accepting people for who they are even more painful.

Struggling to accept people’s shortcomings was something I got criticized for – for being overly sensitive or quick to judge. To which I would say, “How is it my responsibility to tolerate second-class behavior of others who won’t put in the same levels of effort as I do?”

Dating has taught me that accepting people for who they are and putting in the efforts to fight for the relationship are the secret sauces to having higher-quality relationships, not just with our partners, but also with those who matter most to us.

When a challenge comes up these days, I’ll ask myself, “What are you going to do about it?” Many will dismiss this question and continue blaming others for the circumstance they are in, even though they may have the right to do so. Looking back, it was also my fault for having lofty expectations in going out of my way to organize get togethers and for trying so hard to fit in.

How did I come to better accept others? It started by having a purpose and goals to work on that do not require the approval of others. Whether that goal was focused in my career, dating life, or health, I became obsessed with reaching those goals that I stopped caring about trying to fit in, because in the end, the only thing I have control of are my thoughts and how I respond to adversity.

While working on those goals, I cultivated a consistent prayer life, praying the rosary every day as I celebrated with God my triumphs and humbled myself before Him in life’s challenges. My inconsistent prayer life in the past involved only praying a few words to God before going to sleep, praying during mass and praise and worship, and praying the rosary when I am going through a challenge.

As I worked on those goals, Noy Sauce started dripping swag goo and getting fulfilling results. I attracted people whose values aligned with my own and naturally drifted away from those whose values no longer did. Being generous with myself by taking solo day trips once a month or two helped cultivate self-love and a mindset of abundance that I can be happy without depending on others. Meeting people at events built more confidence in talking to people and branching to new social circles. Although groups and friends can bring a sense of belonging, the Only One whom we really belong to in the end is God.

Having a stronger relationship with God through a consistent prayer life is a big reason why my relationship with my girlfriend has thrived and why I found better acceptance of others these days and greater resolve to fight for those who matters most to me. When she was stressed after she and her family had the coronavirus last year, we prayed the rosary together through FaceTime. While her problems weren’t solved at that moment, praying gave her a sense of calm and peace that helped her carry through that challenge. Us praying together became a defining moment in our relationship that she now prays the rosary more often and told me, “I Hope You Stay for a Long Time 🥰.”  Consistently praying the rosary helped me better accept others by letting go of past hurts. Through prayer, we simply get out of our own ways and allow God to heal us spiritually, little by little, everyday. As we heal, we find greater resolve to fight for those who matter most to us.

The process of better accepting others also gave me the awareness and understanding that not all issues will ever be resolved. We move forward with our best first step and live life the best way we can. We will get burned and disappointed for our generosity, but that does not stop us from living a rich and fulfilling life of abundance that God wanted us to have.

To sum it up, the secret sauces to better relationships are:

(1) to accept people for who they are and

(2) to fight for those who matter most to you,

(the umami to the two sauces) while having a consistent prayer life.

Find and do work that brings you meaning and helps you grow. Be patient in the process and understand that not all issues will be resolved. Trust in God and in yourself that you will find peace and be happy, sharing those blessings with others. And of course, humbly ask God:

God, grant us the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And Wisdom to know the difference.

In this we humbly pray, Amen.