One late evening, I was looking through houses for sale on Redfin. As I scrolled through some familiar places, lamenting how overpriced houses are in Southern California, I found that my childhood home was up for sale. Curious at what had changed since we left almost 20 years ago, I looked at the photos. It was amusing seeing how much had changed as renovations were made to the kitchen and flooring throughout the place. I found it interesting how the owners arranged their furniture, compared to how ours were arranged. As I scrolled through the photos, I was reminded of the good and bad memories. The times my late father farted while we prayed the rosary (I ended up laughing 😅). The times my parents were upset with me for getting a low score on a test, which required a parent’s signature acknowledging the low score. The dining area where my father sat down with me to help me with my math homework.

As I slept that night, I dreamt of my late father. My father appeared healthy and well-fed with a smile on his face – a stark contrast from the last time we had seen each other, where he had lost a lot of weight and cried in front of me after the chemotherapy took a toll on his body. My father and I sat next to each other. He saw that my mother and I were looking for places to move earlier that day. My father leaned over, tapped my arm, and told me that we don’t have to move to a more expensive area, because we are the same people wherever we go in life.

My father’s words reminded me of a mindset that I used to carry, which was to play it safe in life by not going over budget. Over the years, I learned that we do not have to always play it safe. Taking calculated risks while not getting too emotional when making big decisions lead to greater rewards in the long run. Sure, we will make mistakes and lose money along the way – but those mistakes and money lost are learning lessons that serve as stepping stones for success.

I respectfully told my father that I did not move to many places in this country and work my ass off in school and in my career to end up in a similar situation as we were before he passed away. He smiled and tapped my arm without saying a word. As he did so, I knew in my heart that he was proud of me for being there for my mother and for finding success in my career and relationships. He was proud that I became a man my way, respectfully standing up for myself and telling him why.

I woke up that morning, crying not because I was sad, but happy that he’s proud on where my life is headed. Dreaming of my late father was a reminder that there are many times in our lives where we need to make important decisions. Whether that decision involves moving to a new place, figuring out the next steps in our career, or deciding who to have as a partner, those decisions have no right or wrong answer.

My father was correct in that we are the same people, regardless of what path we choose. At the same time, we can take those words a step further by taking calculated risks, understanding that our biggest growth is ahead of us. It is through our growth that we come alive as people in this world and live life more fully in the present.

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Accept that nothing is perfect. Carry on with your best foot forward because you are enough.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. While I wished you were with us in this world this whole time, especially during my past dating struggles, your Spirit was with me this whole time. From telling inappropriate jokes, to holding me accountable to my bullshit, to believing in me more than I did of myself, your lessons never led me astray. I understand why you believed in me so much, not because I was your son, but because you saw the potential to positively wreak havoc with the right amount of confidence. Thanks for your lessons and for loving me without having to tell me so. You will continue living in our hearts. We love you and I look forward to swearing with you the next time we see each other.