While going through old photo albums, looking for pictures to share in my last article, I reminisced how great and carefree my childhood was. My parents kinda spoiled me with love and attention that it showed in how happy and fairly confident I was.
That all changed after my father passed away. My parents’ dream of getting a house was set back by a few decades, since my father had planned to move us to a bigger place once he started working for the County.
It really wasn’t until I Actually Turned Pro sixteen years later that I fully realized how big of an effect not having a father has in children’s lives. A father who could have provided greater financial stability. A father who could have helped me move on faster in my dating life. A father who could have continued instilling confidence and belief that I can achieve greatness.
Yet, God speaks to us in our silence. (Remember Lil’ Wayne’s rap line of “Real G’s move in silence like lasagna” 🎶)
While praying the rosary earlier this week, I recalled a time in one of the LSS (Life in the Spirit) seminars I attended a few years ago. The priest told us that the Catholic faith is not a faith of just good feelings, but rather is a faith of suffering.
It was in my suffering of not working for a year and a half where I saw who supports me and who does not. You really don’t know who your true friends and supporters are until you go through a struggle or are close to losing it all. I deleted close to 50 people from my contacts list as a result.
It was in my suffering of dating struggles where I built confidence and a stronger mental fortitude to accept and expect rejection and to not tolerate entitled, second-class behavior. Take that shit somewhere else. Until you find the right person, she is replaceable.
It was in my suffering of seeing my mother go through bouts of health issues where I built stronger character to take time for her appointments and supporting her, even though it was inconvenient. I can live with few or no regrets, knowing I made the most of the time spent with mom.
It was in my suffering of not having a father for most of my life where I learned lessons of being a man the hard way, gaining an appreciation of it. Learning the skills of resourcefulness and taking action towards facing my fears of looking dumb and what others thought of me awakened my soul and enhanced how I see this world.
Suffering has its seasons, and I later learned that I was carrying my father’s spirit this whole time by persevering in figuring things out while having a corny sense of humor. Doing so has added depth to my corniness, which actually helped me attract the right people in my life as time went on.
It’s one thing to be handed things in life. It’s a more rewarding experience to have earned the lessons through suffering. Suffering isn’t God and life working against us, but rather God and life working for us. There are things God wants us to see in the process, so that we can become the people He meant for us to be.
The suffering is God’s mercy. His mercy taught lessons in humility, patience, personal responsibility, and letting go of attachment in this world.
What amused me over the years of going to church and being part of community is how many people attended church and joined communities to feel good or only if there was a party. If we want to feel good, we could turn to multi-millionaire “pastors” on YouTube for a pep talk to pump us up. You can also do what I do to feel good by listening to trashy music. But to develop a lasting joy in our hearts that’s beyond just feeling good, we must accept our cross and suffer a bit in the journey.
It is inconvenient as heck.
One time when I went to confession, I told the priest how it’s been inconvenient taking time from work and in the evenings every now and then to support my mother through her health issues. He told me, “The fact that you still do it anyway speaks volumes about your character. There are people who will say they will ‘do it’ but won’t do what they promised. I’d take the person who ‘does it anyway’ anytime, regardless of how he feels.”
If we don’t have a problem in our lives, we have a problem. If we aren’t experiencing some discomfort in our lives, we’re not living life fully by stretching ourselves. Our monkey brains will eventually come up with problems if we don’t have problems, which can lead to behaviors of self-sabotage 🙈.
Most importantly, God’s mercy also showed me that our suffering is meant to further God’s Kingdom by sharing these lessons and our gifts with others, instead of building self-serving empires. As one person in the music video of ABS-CBN’s “Ikaw ang Liwanag at Ligaya” (which means “You are the Light and Joy”) said, “The best way to find joy is to serve.”
I’d like to share the chorus from Laura Story’s song, “Blessings”:
What if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near,
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
Thank you, Lord, for the sufferings we have endured and overcame in this world. Your mercy has taught us valuable lessons and awakened the gifts You’ve blessed us with to move Your Kingdom forward. Without death, there is no Resurrection. Without loss, there is no deep appreciation of what we already have. Without Good Friday, there is no Easter Sunday. As Easter approaches, we pray for Your grace to help us remain steadfast in our journeys. All of this we humbly pray. Amen.