If you told many of us two years ago that there will be a pandemic that changes the way we live our lives, we would have laughed and thought you were crazy. Two weeks of lockdowns to “slow down the curve” turned into 18 months (and counting) of restrictions in travel and how we live life. With each passing day lately, it feels like our personal freedoms are slowly being taken away.
It did not help that there was negativity in my life lately. My aunt, my girlfriend’s great uncle, and one of my friends passed away in the past month. Routines that have kept me in an optimistic state of mind changed, whether it was the local gym being under construction or the nearest trail being farther away than before. Not lifting weights at the gym to produce the testosterone that gave me an edge to take action and have more “fight in me” to carry forward exacerbated the problem.
Home improvement projects I thought would be straightforward took longer than expected. Appliances did not fit in our kitchen. It took weeks to schedule an appointment for a plumber to resolve plumbing issues in the kitchen. Parts to hang racks and pictures on the wall took weeks to arrive. Tools and repairs needed to ensure proper installations added more costs than expected.
It was truly a work in progress dealing with a leaky P-pipe (no pun intended), and hanging pictures with no hooks on the wall.
Challenges that came one after another caused so much trouble in my heart and mind that I dreaded waking up in the morning and was close to burning out.
Noy Sauce lost his swagger, no longer dripping swag goo.
After discussing with my coach, I was advised to do the bare minimum – to “keep the feet moving” – for the time being. We are human, and our bodies like to naturally drift into different states of mind. That means if we’re in a state of mind where our swagger isn’t there, there’s no need to force our swagger to magically come back with the wave of a wand. In the meantime as our swagger recovers, we can do the bare minimum by doing smaller tasks that keep us from further drifting into more negative states of mind.
With that advice, I did the basics. I went grocery shopping and attended mass over the weekend. On weekdays, I prayed the rosary each night, took a break from writing, and made smaller steps on home improvement projects in the evening, such as installing a toilet paper holder one evening and the ironing board holder in another.
Two days ago on Sunday, I went back to basics even further by taking a solo day trip an hour away from where I live. This was an activity I hadn’t done since this past May and what helped lead to two and a half years of constant dripping swag goo. For the day trip, I worked out at the gym, indulged at an Indian lunch buffet, paddleboarded at the marina bay, and drank boba milk tea.
Working out at the gym produced the testosterone that gave more gusto for the day ahead. Indulging at an Indian lunch buffet for the first time in two years brought back fond memories of eating at Indian lunch buffets after trainings for my marathon race, and to text former co-workers who introduced the cuisine to me.
Paddleboarding at the marina bay for the first time in a year taught me an important lesson in self-mastery. There were these tipsy young adult ladies on a boat singing Olivia Rodrigo’s “good 4 u”.
As the boat passed by me, one of the ladies yelled at me, “Hi! Have fun!”. 👋
I yelled back, “Thanks, Happy Birthday!” 🎉
“Thaaaaannkkkssss!” as the rest of them sang “good 4 u you’re doing great out there without me, baby” 😂
When the waves from their boat came towards me, I allowed my legs to go with the flow of the waves crashing under the paddleboard so that I can maintain my balance. And that’s when a breakthrough towards self mastery came:
When the waves of life shake the foundations we stand on, we must trust ourselves and have faith in God that we will overcome the waves trying to knock us off balance by going with the flow.
In the past when Noy Sauce had his swagger, firing on all cylinders, I trusted my legs to stand firm and overcome challenges with sheer willpower. When the waves crashed under the paddleboard, my legs stood firm on the board without going with the flow of the waves.
Paddleboarding for the first time in a year and going back to basics were necessary to see life from a different perspective, to discern on what to do next and appreciate life. As the late rapper DMX once said, “There was something that I just had to see, that You [God] wanted me to see, so I can be what You wanted me to be”.
With a fresh perspective, I realized that I still have freedoms and have new options in my mental toolbox when I am close to burning out. I smiled knowing that we shared smiles the last time we saw each other in person before my family members and friends passed away. My aunt playfully slapping my cheek when she didn’t recognize me. My girlfriend’s great uncle smiling at my girlfriend and I during a Father’s Day party. My friend joking with me and offering to pay for dinner. It is more rewarding going through the learning process on installing and fixing things around the house than depending on others for help. Noy Sauce still has some swag goo in him, when young adult ladies yelled at him in good fun. Thanks, ladies, I will apply this renewed confidence with my girlfriend 😉
As I paddled back to shore, there was a boat with another group of tipsy young adult ladies singing Jennifer Lopez’s “I’m Real (Murda Remix w/ Ja Rule)” and TLC’s “No Scrubs” as one of them twerked on the side of the boat. 🎶 I laughed and sang along to their songs, knowing that “I’m Real” and “Not a Scrub”. Life is beautiful in its quirky and sometimes fucked up way, isn’t it?
Getting wintermelon-flavored boba milk tea on the way home was a nod of appreciation to my girlfriend, who was working that day, that she’s in my heart wherever I go. #kiligvibes
The day trip put me in a much better state of mind that I unapologetically sang Britney Spears’ “Sometimes” playing on the radio. The swag goo is slowly, but surely, ready to drip once more.
Indian lunch buffet and paddleboarding at the marina bay show that life is good. 🙌
We got this far in life. Trust our legs and the hard work we had put in the past that we will ride the current waves of life and come out of it stronger and better versions of ourselves. And of course, Pray. Hope. And Don’t Worry. God will not abandon us.
Heavenly Father, we thank You for our challenges. For it is in our challenges, You show us what we need to see so we can be who You meant for us to be. I’m sorry for thinking that I can handle life’s challenges out of sheer willpower. We humbly pray for Your Grace, to allow us to get out of our own ways and trust what You have planned for us.
To end this prayer, I’ll share the chorus of Hillsong’s “Still”:
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm,
Father, You are King over the flood,
I will be still, know You are God.