Today is the 15^th anniversary of my father’s death. It seemed like a distant yesterday that he was here, making jokes and pushing me to do my best in school. In remembrance of him, I attended mass, and prayed for him and my friends and family afterward. Since this time is around the halfway mark of this year’s Lenten season, I figured to write another reflection based on my journey so far this Lent.

In a previous post, I wrote about the struggles of being committed in faith, which involved a dedication to prayer and service. One evening a few weeks ago, I asked my mother if I can stand up while praying the rosary, because my back hurt from sitting all day working on a computer programming assignment and watching tutorial videos on YouTube. For some reason, she thought that I wanted to lead in praying the rosary. Rather than tell my mother, “In what universe does the word ‘stand’ sound like ‘lead’?”, I lead prayer that evening. What I noticed during prayer that evening was that I was actively participating in prayer, rather than spectating, pondering on the problems I am currently facing. Being engaged in prayer shifted my focus from my personal problems to channeling positive energy into my mind and body. Often times, I get caught up in my own worries and insecurities about what the future holds, and bitterness towards unmet expectations in the past. But for those 20 minutes in prayer, I found peace in the present moment.

Many times, I often wish that there is a “magic wand” I could wave that will instantly solve my problems. However, those kinds of “miracles” do not exist because we would not have the life lessons that come from overcoming our problems ourselves. The actual “miracle” comes from within us, in which we do not flinch or flee from realities, but endure them with love. Love is the greatest of all powers, because it is free for us to give as long as we do not let our pride get in the way of giving our love away. This past week, I made a point to myself that for almost all personal interactions, I will delight the other person, not for ulterior motives, but for the sake of delighting them. I noticed that I cannot lose when I delight others through encouragement and lovingly express genuine happiness for them. In addition, by taking a “stand” in lovingly expressing genuine happiness to those around me, I notice that I am leading by example through my actions.

People around us are looking for hope, but the miracle to be that hope for others has been within us all along. Matthew 9:37 proclaims, “Then he [Jesus] said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few’.” That biblical verse has struck me for the past year, because I see so much potential around me to do better in making the world a better place. People in government positions have the potential to serve the people, but for the most part, choose to serve the corporations and industries that lobby them. People who are wealthy enough have the potential to donate half of their net worth to charities and altruistic research, but many choose not to do so for selfish reasons. People not active in communities they joined have the potential to make their community a better place, but for some reason, choose not to.

Seeing plenty of unused potential is discouraging and frustrating, but also presents an opportunity to take a “stand” by leading through example. There are days my motivation to put in the work, and to pray and serve are not there. But by simply taking action in doing the work, and praying and serving when no one else is looking, we overcome the Resistance that resides within us. Those tasks become easier once we overcome our internal Resistance. My worries on what is around me melt away, because I am relaxed in the present moment and am humbled by the fact that the world does not revolve around me. Perhaps there is a reason today as to why I wrote this reflection on my father’s anniversary. His lessons of making jokes and doing my best in the midst of the suffering and pain that comes with taking a stand and leading by example in faith provide assurance that, “It will be fine.”

Heavenly Father, I thank you today for all the graces and blessings in my life so far. The greatest moments and lessons learned in my life were results of the challenges you have presented me. I pray for the grace to continue persevering in bearing the cross You have given me. By trusting in your Mystery, I know that you will provide me with what I need to overcome my trials. This is not so much of a “goodbye again” to my father, but more of a “see you soon in heaven”. To end this prayer, I would like to share a part of Laura Story’s song “Blessings”:

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops,

What if Your healing comes through tears 

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near,

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

In this we pray, Amen.